You can easily sympathize with a homicide survivor, but can you empathize with someone accused of murder or with their loved ones? I interviewed someone who can.
A 20-something female, Support Worker / Social Services student, had taken it upon herself to offer (online) support to the families and friends of two late-teens, both of whom had been the subject of an intense, two-week, cross-country manhunt, and were suspected of the murders of three people; then, also tragically, found deceased themselves. “Initially, my future goal was to work in addiction treatment. However, in the most recent months, I’ve been focusing more on at-risk youth,” she said.
She became aware of the case through social media, and then became “totally consumed” by it, she admitted, although she stated that she rarely, if ever, follows the news, or pays attention to reports of missing persons or homicides. (Both teens had been declared missing for some time before they became suspects, and when federal police had issued a public alert news release.) Prior to the case, she said she had not known about the suspects. “Perhaps it was my ability to empathize with the [background] of one of the suspects, combined with being a mother myself, that really drew me into this case.”
Being a mother had helped her empathize with the parents of both suspects, she explained. Regarding one suspect, the “portrait” she had gotten of him from social media, was one of a young person who had had a tough childhood, struggled with his parents’ divorce, didn’t have many friends, and had spent a lot of time by himself. “[He] craved love and affection. That really broke my heart, because I can relate to all of that, and it was tough [for me].”
“I have a lifetime of experience with a wide range of issues, including–but not limited to–psychological and physical abuse, childhood neglect, substance abuse, being a youth-at-risk, etc. I have both [life] experience and experience dealing with others who have suffered [or] are suffering with [these] same issues.”
The student was saddened by the apparent or perceived isolation of the community (under a reported prior request by their mayor, not to talk about the case), the hurt and isolation of those members close to the suspects, and the online backlash directed at them. She also felt there may have been more concern for the reputation of the small city than concern for the well-being of the suspects’ families. “The friends and families of the suspects deserve just as much support….The suspects’ loved ones also have questions that will never be answered. They have also suffered a tremendous loss.”
(On the date after the remains of the suspects were announced as found, the city’s social media post described the suspects’ believed-to-be suicide deaths as “difficult news” for their families, while the murder victims’ families were described as having “suffered an unimaginable loss”. Two national news organizations also reported that one or more of the suspects’ family members were requesting privacy from the media, perhaps permanently.)
Her goal is to “continue to offer emotional support and a compassionate ear to all whom are suffering”. The student believed that the suspects were innocent until proven guilty. Asked if she would have changed her opinion about offering help if these suspects had been found to be guilty, she said, “Absolutely not. I believe everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and everyone deserves a second chance.” (Following the death of suspects, murder cases are typically closed, as the suspects are unable to stand trial.)
She also feels that early intervention into a troubled child’s life, can avert potential tragedy. She said, if people in the community know there is a problem, they should take that opportunity to step up, because, “It takes a village to raise a child.” She indicated that signs of a potential problem could be the child making disturbing comments, having trouble regulating anger, and displaying stress or depression. She believes serious threats or behaviour should be reported so that referrals can be made for that child to gain access to available support services and counselling within the community.
Was she harassed online regarding her opinions? “Tremendously. People have said that I’m a disgusting human being, ‘someone should look into this girl’ because it’s suspicious that I’m supporting murderers. It’s extremely hurtful, but I expected it. I had to block many individuals, hide their comments, and mute certain conversations, in order to protect my own mental health. Some days I wished I [had] never spoke[n] up for the suspects and their families, but it was the response from the suspects’ loved ones, the [positive] input of my college instructor, and the private messages I received from people who admired what I was doing, that really kept me going. I had to keep reminding myself, ‘I’m doing the right thing’. And I don’t regret it. But I’m very saddened by a lack of empathy in the world.”
The student had a rebuttal to those personal attacks she had received: “To those attacking me for advocating for [the suspects’] loved ones, and for waiting for them to be convicted before I label them as ‘murderers’: please do report me [to the police] as suspicious. Everyone deserves support. Providing it is no crime.”
“I do want to clarify that….I am just as sorry for their [the friends and families of the victims] losses….They too are suffering tremendously….I can’t fathom how difficult this must be, and my heart breaks for all involved.”
Upon the discovery and subsequent identification of the remains of the two male suspects, she said, “May these young men rest in peace.”
For those dealing with tragedy, the student suggested reaching out for support from community organizations, via finding a local grief support group, calling a mental health support line, or searching for online grief resources.
© 2019-2020 Skyanna Jameson
Note: Photo selected above was chosen for its suggestive content of support, and does not depict any person, nor does it identify race of any persons involved in this story.
Skyanna Jameson 